So long and thanks for all the fish - being a rant of epic length.

(Disclaimer: Some of the pictures on this page is (c) Games Workshop and is used without permission for discussion purposes only. No challenge of copyright is intended.)

I guess it hasn't escaped anybody that Games Workshop are doing a new version of Warhammer. Like Microsoft they have dropped the numbering system (except that Microsoft is counting again, just not correctly) and gone for a brand name instead. Sort of like Ikea.

Funny cause it's true.

But instead of Warhammer Bönkfjordnurpur it's called Warhammer Age of Sigmar and is a big change from the previous version. (If you haven't heard about it, go check it out, the link is above.) Now it has divided the internet gaming community in two halfs, each about as rabid as the other. It's hard to say which group is the largest though, and I don't doubt that GW will sell tons of boxes and call AoS a success.

The new Logo.

First, I understand why GW is doing this. I'm not opposed to change, I'm just opposed to stupidness. And change for change's sake. I think GW are grasping after straws. They need to reinvent themselves. The Hobbit license has failed so miserably that GW didn't even put out a boxed game for the third movie and hardly any models. Most of GW's sales are related to either the hobby in general (paints, etc) or Warhammer 40k. So something needed to be done with Warhammer Fantasy.



Let me summarize what it's all about, as far as I can understand it. Chaos has won, and the old world is shattered into separate realms, each with it's own magical characteristics. In these realms, naturally,everyone just keeps fighting. Over what nobody knows (at least not me). Sigmar has returned -- "Who?" I hear you ask. The founder of the Empire who united the tribes of man against the orcs and rescued the Dwarves, only to disappear with his magical hammer for about 2500 years and then return at the apocalypse. So, sort of Jesus, but wielding a big honking magical hammer.

A God with a hammer, where did I hear that one before?

I think it's a silly name. For those who don't know the background of the game the name Sigmar says nothing, it could just as well be called Warhammer Bönkfjordnurpur. Actually I would buy that game. I suppose it should evoke some sort of emotion in the players, but I don't really believe that. Advancing the game world is all fine and all, but they went well over the top, and quite frankly, the new setting is just plain daft. The internet coined the term "Bubblehammer" about half a year ago when the rumours started to fly around. A curious note is that we do not know who wrote the rules, since no author is listed. I don't know if nobody wants to have their name associated with the rules or if GW doesn't want anyone of their current writers to become known and prolific like Rick Priestley.

Rick Priestley. One of the original authors of Warhammer Fantasy Battles, no longer works at Games Workshop.

Secondly, they have remade the rules. Our game group felt that the eight edition was kind of good, it promoted the use of big blocks of troops as opposed to lots of overpowered heroes which had plagued earlier editions. But I get it. It's not exciting enough, and somehow people weren't buying enough new models. So GW introduced the End of Times, a series of campaign books for playing out the apocalypse, accompanied by new army lists allowing you to take more heroes and new gigantic hero models, like Nagash.

He costs 65 pounds. Luckily you only needed one in 8th edition. In Age of Sigmar you can field as many as you like.

I don't know what was wrong with the old rules, maybe GW felt that 30 years of old mechanics dragged them down, I honestly can't understand it. The new rules is sort of more skirmishy, but at the same time there are no rules for building an army and no recommendations on how many figures you should use. It's sort of "turn up at a mate's house with all your favourite models and play a game against all his models" -- and I'm not making this up -- you deploy whatever figures you want until you are satisfied. Army strength is only calculated by the number of models. I kid you not.

Some have argued that the lack of a points system puts the gamer in position to play the game the way he wants to. Yes it does. it also opens the game up to abuse. The response to that is of course "do not play with knobheads" -- but you are new to the game you don't know who are knobheads at your club or at your LFGS. Worse, maybe all your friends are competetive knobheads, but with rules on army selection there at least is something resembling game balance. With no framework for comparing relative force strength, then even those that would like a fair and balanced game have no way of achieving it unless they write their own points system for Age of Sigmar.

Well, with the new world and rules in place, GW can release new figures, calling them new names so they can copyright them. If you recall the Space Marine debacle some time ago, it made GW realise they just can't trademark names made up of regular words. So Imperial Guard (which happens to be the name of the Emperor's guards in both Star Wars and in napoleonics) became "Astra Militarum". Now dwarves will be "Duardin" and elves "Aelfs" for example, so they can be trademarked. And just to be sure we all buy the new figures Games Workshop has changed the scale. The new figures are all very much larger than before, mounted on round 40mm bases or larger.

The contents of the boxed set. Lots of shineyness, for sure. Each figure is now on a 40mm base though.

I get it. I really do. We are all 30+ (some of us 40+) with steady incomes but limited space, enough internet savvy to google up alternative figures, and a figure collection older than the average Warhammer customer. We are not buying new figures en masse unless we really like them and quite frankly there are a lot of good fantasy figures out there, most of them cheaper than Games Workshop's. But here's the thing. I don't think Warhammer is failing because the game is broken. Or because the old fluff is boring. I think it was failing because GW released stupid ass ugly models for the game. And they are doing it again.

Old 4th edition dwarfs, painted by Victoria Lamb. Beautiful.

8th edition dwarfs, painted by the GW studio. What the Drokk is going on?

Someone probably will argue that the new dwarfs above are an elite unit and therefore have more armour than ordinary dwarves, carrying flame throwers and not hand guns so can't be compared with handgunners in brightly coloured clothes. Fair enough, but I'm showing you them because they were the new unit introduced with the recent army book, the one thing I could have spent money on to add to my already vast Dwarf army. And they are ugly as hell. Ridiculous. Painted in a simple and dull metal scheme, there is nothing about them that says "buy me". All they did was to make me trawl eBay after old Dwarf flame cannon crews, thinking I'd rather pay through the nose for old figures than buy the new ones. Oh, and they made me go out and NOT buy the new army book at all.

The new Sigmar... er... marines? Oh, "Stormcast eternals".

The new models look like a cross between a knight and a Space Marine. Taking a closer look at the armour there are no clasps or fasteners or fany kind, except for a strap holding the gimp mask in place. In fact, a lot of 40k players want them to build "true scale marines". Maybe GW wants to make sort of a Fantasy 40k. The chaos models look ok though, and again, a lot of 40k players are looking to augment their Chaos marines with some new Chosen models. Technically, the sculpts are excellent, it's the design that is flawed. And yes, they are larger, those bases are 40mm in diameter.

I found this while googling for other images. I think it speaks for itself.

Games Workshop has done one thing right though. They have released the rules online, for free, along with army lists -- sorry, War Scrolls -- for all the old armies, enabling you to try out the game for yourself. I guess they realised that all the old players wouldn't just fork out a lot of cash again without knowing anything about the rules. So if you are curious even after my tirade, go check it out yourself. The rules are only four pages long, it won't take you long to read. Back? Good, now go to Mantic Games and download the Kings of War rules, also free, also with army lists, but with a point system.

Kings of War has angry dwarves riding even more angry badgers. What's not to like?

I do not know what our gaming group will be playing in the future. We are all heavily invested in the Old World, but sentimentally and money-wise, having huge collections of Fantasy figures. Nobody seems to like Age of Sigmar in the group and Kings of War might take the place as our Mass Fantasy Combat game as the rules appear solid and tactical enough. We might go on playing Warhammer 8th edition, but the game was actually a bit clunky and battles could drag out for a while. Playing Dwarves I did not like the overpowered magic of the game either. Still, it's Warhammer... and Kings of War isn't. Other games we are thinking of trying is Open Combat or Lion/Dragon Rampant, both which seem to be good games set at a slightly lower level -- skirmish or large skirmish respectively.

And here is my conclusion: I applaud GW for being brave enough to try something new. But with so many rules out there, the only thing that kept me playing Warhammer and buying GW figures were the setting. Now that the Old World is out and the new rules look iffy, there is nothing keeping me.

So long Warhammer, and thanks for all the fish.